I’ve always been the Type A/Alpha Female type. I never do the bare minimum and I always try to be the best I possibly can in everything. It’s been the reason I am who I am today and it’s taught me a lot. This past weekend I learned a lesson that will forever change me.
On Sunday morning I went to the emergency room. Saturday evening I felt stressed out and beside myself and my mom gave me one of her anxiety pills thinking I was having an anxiety attack. Four hours later I wasn’t better. I was much worse. My arms were tingling, my chest felt full of pressure and it was as if my heart was going to explode or literally jump out of my body. It was one of the scariest feelings I’ve ever had, because all I could think of was how I’m too young and too healthy for a heart attack at 27.
When my mom and I arrived at the ER I went straight to the back for testing. Once the doctor started asking me questions he said he knew right away what was wrong when he asked, “what do you do and have you been stressed lately?” I’m not a doctor so I told him everything thinking it would all be imperative, “I’m a full time student, I work part time at my dad’s law firm, I’m Chair of Guadalupe Home and we’re doubling in size next month and having our annual fundraiser, I just joined PRSSA at school and am thinking of joining AWC too so I can graduate with chords and build my resume, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I’m healthy and don’t understand what is wrong …” Even when I think I’m going to have a heart attack I’m a talker. He should have said, “using a simple sentence.”
My blood came back normal, my chest x-rays were fine, my oxygen levels were perfect, but it was clear to everyone except for me that I was having a major anxiety attack. The doctor told me if this is anxiety, it is obviously from overdoing it and putting too much on my plate.
Several hundred dollars in medical bills at the ER and a prescription for medicine later here I am. Sitting and wondering how I confused overdoing it and overachieving. How can I go from handling 4 appearances in one day when I was Miss Latina World to what I do now, which to me isn’t that much different, and somehow it’s too much? And how am I supposed to figure out when I’m overdoing it?
My family and close friends all say the same thing, “I knew this would happen you’ve been doing too much for awhile now.” Yet, no one has a solution for me. So for now I’ll just try my best. I’ve deleted my Facebook and taken the past 2 days off of everything (only because the doctor demanded it) to try and figure things out. Maybe the best I can do right now is just take baby steps and hope one day I’ll learn the difference between overdoing it and overachieving. Until then I need to figure out how I managed to fill my calendar through November 14th and add some “do nothing” days in there. Baby steps. Baby steps.
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